Alex – Chapter 18
Rage
Frank and Benjamin both behaved like nice friends. But Frank reminded me about Evan many times, the way he talked to me and tease me. I don’t want anything to happen like before, so I always maintained a distance with him, I thought he was a gay like Evan.
One day Benjamin playfully tried to take away my bag, It was his usual game with other class mates. But I got scared when I realized the pictures of me and Evan is inside my bag, and I don’t want it to go outside. I saw Benjamin running with my bag, Frank joined in the middle, I started to chase both of them, they were enjoying the fun, but what been running in my mind is my worst night mare.
Benjamin tripped and lose my bag and all the books came out. Frank holds me there. I was about to jump on Benjamin, then Frank stopped me “Calm down man, we are just playing” I got emotional and yelled at them.
Frank looked at Benjamin and chuckled, Frank helped Benjamin to get up. Benjamin came down and helped me to take my books. I told him to not to touch anything. But he didn’t listen, he started collecting my books and the picture fell down. Benjamin looked at it for sure, but he didn’t react. I froze when he took that picture in his hand, I didn’t look him in the eyes. Benjamin kept back the pictures inside the book and did not react. Frank was behind Benjamin looked at my picture.
Benjamin did’t react, his face was blank, I tried to avoid his eye contact and collected the books and went to the class. I tried to avoid them both in for few days. Benjamin and Frank did not react much and they started to speak to me as usual, Frank maintained some distance after that day, I thought may be he thinks now I am a gay, when I was so confused with what I am, how can I let others decide who I am. But I was very glad that they did not said anything about the picture. They both have seen my picture, I am sure if that pictures gone in someone else’s hand I would’ve ended up being a laughing stock for the entire school. I was feeling glad that didn’t happen.
Then one day, I was coming to the school, I saw a big crowd outside our school, it was mild cloudy and sizzling. I entered the crowd to find what they are looking at. There was a chalk art on the wall, two boys kissing each other, that is the picture Benjamin and Frank saw that day, it must be them, I started to shiver, my hands trembling and started sweating, for the first time in my life I felt like I am in a deep shit.
There was an arrow mark marking one figure as Edwin, with a cloud on the left it says “Love has no gender”, People from my class stared at me, not just them all the students eyes were on me, my feeling at that place cannot be explained, the humiliation and the pain, I started to hear voices like “Is that you Edwin?, are you gay?” and lot more voices which I never wished to hear, all the laughs made me fury, I started to walk out from the crowd and walked straight to the class.
As I walk inside the school, all thoughts came to my mind, my parents, my friends there is no one for me, the loneliness, the confusion, I felt no control on me that day, I felt like I have gone mad, I found Benjamin and Frank and shouted at them for making me hate my life and also warned them “I will pay back with all the pain I am in now”. They both looked at me like they know nothing. It doesn’t matter anymore, my life doesn’t matter anymore I threw my bag on their faces and yelled “You both going to regret this day” I started to walk back home.
I started to walk back to my house and shut myself in my room. I did not came out of my room for two days and I did not slept, my depression kept growing, my parents did not even bothered to ask me whether I had food or water, I started to hate them too, no one was there for me in this earth, somewhere deep in my heart it kept saying to erase the existence of all the people I know because they all are making sins. Next day my Dad knocked the door I opened the door expecting some warm words from him but I heard a news “Evan is dead”
My fist landed on my Dad’s face, I have shown all my rage on him screaming like a mad person, I cared nobody I found everyone of them is responsible for what I have become, I yelled “It was all your mistake” He lost his balance and fell down on the floor, I took a ceramic statue and dropped in his head and watched him die with a satisfaction. The floor is flooded with his blood. My mom came out she fainted seeing her husband in blood. I decided not to live anymore, I killed my mom too, I took a can of gasoline and lighted my mom and dad and sat in the middle watched them burn, I still remember that beautiful face burn in my eyes, my last drop of tears was the one that hurt me the most, I did all this in my hand, but I was never satisfied.
Edwin looked at Gabi “You were supporting your friend so much, now tell me why should I not kill them both for ruining my life and for making me mad, and for everything!!!!”
Gabi without any reaction at her face she commented “You made a mistake Edwin”
To be continued…
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